My Boyfriend Wants To Have Sex!...But How Do I Know If I'm Ready!?
Lots of teenage girls ask this question.
How do I know if I’m ready!?
First of all, I think if you’re asking the question - you’re not ready.
Second of all, it is not a decision to rush into.
Losing your virginity can feel like one of the most pressurized things for a teenager to decide.
I remember it constantly being the hot topic of conversation in our classroom.
Who had done it? Who hadn’t? What was it like?
Except, looking back now…I would say at least 90% of my friends regret their first time. Your first time is something so precious and a memory you will certainly NEVER forget, so why not wait and make it as special as you possibly can?
It’s different for boys. The way they are wired means that, for the majority of boys, losing their virginity is not such an emotional experience. Boys can easily detach from the emotional qualities of sex. But women are naturally programmed differently. Every time a woman has sex, she leaves part of herself with that man. Your hormones actually cause you to feel a new sense of attachment to that man.
So, even if you feel like all of your friends are doing it. Even if you feel the pressure to be part of the group that has some sexual experience. And even if your boyfriend is asking you…
It’s time for you to listen to your inner voice. Nobody can tell you when the right time to have sex is. You have to trust your own instincts and intuition. If the thought of having sex scares you, worries you or fills you with anxiety…then you are not ready.
My tip is wait. Wait until that moment when you feel like you and your boyfriend are both ready. But then wait a little longer for you to be sure. There is absolutely no harm in waiting. Because, let’s face it, you have the rest of your life to have sex. And it isn’t something that has to happen now. Wait until you’re in a loving relationship, in which you feel supported and safe with your boyfriend.
And remember this…
If he gets annoyed or angry because you want to wait. Then hallelujah! You’ve just saved yourself a lot of heartache! Because now you know that he certainly isn’t the boy for you to share your precious first time with.
If he loves and cares about you, then trust me…he will wait and he will support you. It’s better to be open about how you’re feeling and it’s perfectly ok to explain that you’re simply not ready. The good guys will understand.
I’m so lucky to say that I don’t regret my first time. I was with a boyfriend whom I loved very much and whom I felt cared and supported by. Even though he was two years older than me and had already had sex, we waited until I was completely ready. In fact, we waited even longer. When I said I was ready, he told me to wait a little longer so that I was 100% certain I was ready. And I’m so glad I did this!
So the top tips I can give you, that I have learnt from personal experience:
You don’t have to rush into this, just because it might seem like all your friends are doing it.
Trust your inner voice and intuition.
Ask yourself: ‘Will I regret this if I do this now?’
Wait until you are in a loving relationship because he’ll be ok waiting. The good guys are out there.
Love, light and support always…