What does it mean to stay true to yourself?
Do you ever feel like you should do something because everyone else is doing it? Do you hear yourself saying: “If all my friends want to do this, I guess I should find it fun too?”
Do you ever put yourself into situations that, if you’re honest with yourself, you don’t actually feel comfortable in?
Do you ever get that anxious feeling beforehand, where something in your body just doesn’t feel quite right? Queasy...? Nervous...? Short of breath...?
Girl. I get you.
I know what that is.
It’s the pressure to do something that you think you should do, but that goes against the core values of who you are.
It’s called not staying true to yourself.
Staying true to yourself is an important part of loving yourself and accepting who you are as a person. Because the most important relationship you will EVER have, is the one you have with yourself.
Imagine if you disrespected a friend, or made your boyfriend do something he really didn't enjoy, or forced your girlfriend to dress a way she didn’t feel comfortable with? Do you think that person would stick around in your life although these things were continuously happening? And if they did stick around, would you actually respect them?
So why do we do that to ourselves?
When I was growing up, and even still in my life today, even though I’m no longer in High School and I’m an independent woman - I sometimes feel a push and pull between doing what I think I should do and what I feel right doing. It can be a battle with my inner self.
My mind might tell me: ‘Yes Helena, you should put on this dress, a pair of uncomfortable high heels and go to a club with girls you don’t even know that well, have a few drinks, stand around feeling uncomfortable and “have fun!”
But my body and inner voice tells me “THAT’S NOT MY IDEA OF FUN!!”
I’m the kind of girl that could quite happily have just as much fun chilling in my pajamas with my girlfriends, laughing and eating yummy food. I’d rather go for a meal. I’d rather have a mini adventure. I’d rather laugh at the newest romantic comedy! I don’t need to stand around a club to have fun. That’s just not me.
But I get torn between who I think I should be and what feels like the true me.
That’s the core difference between staying true to yourself and following the herd. (A herd, meaning a herd of sheep or a group of animals that just follow one another around! Baaahhhh!)
Do you do something because everyone else tells you to do it? Or do you stand up for yourself and your own values and feel confident knowing what you enjoy and feel comfortable with?
If all your girlfriends say they’ve become sexually active, does that mean you should now be having sex? No.
If all your friends started experimenting with drugs, but this was not something you wanted to do, would you still do it because you felt you had to in order to fit in?
If all your friends told you they were jumping off a bridge tomorrow into shark infested water, would you join them? No, I don’t think that you would. Because you wouldn’t feel one bit comfortable doing that!
Although these might be extreme examples, doing something even though you don’t actually want to means no longer staying true to yourself.
I want you to learn to love, adore and respect the relationship you have with yourself…
So whenever you feel that inner battle bubble up, I want you to give yourself permission to ask yourself these following questions my wonderful fellow Wise Girl…
Ask yourself, what will I gain if I do do this? And what might I lose?
Is that worth it?
When I wake up tomorrow, will I feel better or worse as a result of doing this?
If I felt completely unjudged whatever decision I made, what would I choose to do? Now, I want you to do the biggest thing of all…
TAKE THE PRESSURE OFF OF YOURSELF.
Because, do you want to know a secret? Nobody is actually judging you. First of all, people are too busy judging themselves. And more importantly, it’s none of your business what other people think of you. Because that’s a judgement on themselves, not you.
And guess what, if you decide not to drink or not to have sex, if you own the fact that you’re either not interested or not ready…nobody will ever even remember that later on. It’ll soon be forgotten.
And in fact, people may actually respect you more for standing strong in your own feelings. In staying true to yourself, you might actually give them permission to stay true to themselves.
So, if after asking yourself these questions and your inner voice tells you that you don’t want to do this particular thing, the only teeny tiny word you need to use is ‘No’. It doesn’t have to be a harsh ‘No’. It can be a ‘No, thank you.’ It can be a ‘No, I’m good’. Or ‘No, I’m busy’. It can be a non - judgmental ‘No’. You don’t need to make anyone wrong if they decide ‘Yes’ because the top relationship you need to take care of is the one you have with yourself.
But don’t get me wrong...
I’m not saying we all have to stay at home curled up by ourselves in our pajamas in order to stay true to ourselves.
There’s a big beautiful world just waiting for you to create memories, find joy and be filled with laughter…
Create adventure and experiences! Have fun with your friends! Try a type of food you’ve never tasted before. Dance until your feet hurt.
But what I’m reminding you is that in order to lead an exciting and full life, you don’t have to lose your sense of self and you can still stay true to yourself!
I love you fellow Girl Unfiltered,
I’m here for you,
Love and Light Always,